Why I've been gone

I think it's about time I posted on what's been going on.

These past two weeks have been the hardest of my life, and I mean that in all seriousness. I miscarried my baby, my precious baby. I know in a previous post I wrote about my fears of having a child, but never, never, never did I want this to be the remedy. And I never thought this would happen, not for a second. It never once occurred to me that anything would go wrong. After my trip to Philadelphia, I was so excited for our first ultrasound, only to find that my poor child had no heartbeat and had passed away about the same time I announced my pregnancy.

I feel like a fool for ever posting about my pregnancy online so soon, or at all. I should have used more caution, I should have at least considered the possibility of such a sad thing happening and how heart-wrenching and embarrassing it would be to have to post the worst of all retractions.

So, I thought you should all know what's been going on.

Though this time has been hard, Seve and I have been so blessed by everyone around us. I don't write much about my faith in here, and I regret that. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and my fellow Saints have done so much to help me. Many of them didn't even know what was going on, just that something had happened and they were more than willing to offer their help, their time, and their efforts to ensure I was okay.

My boss and coworkers have been amazing. My family has called me everyday. My friends have stopped by to check up on me. My husband has held me while I've cried.

Not once have I felt alone and not once have I been angry at God. I will always love this baby and I will always miss it, and the Gospel gives me the hope and understanding I need to persevere.