I feel terrible. Miserable. Confused. I broke up with my boyfriend two days ago, for the second time. I can't describe it, I don't understand. When I was with him I felt wonderful; but when apart I just couldn't ignore this gnawing feeling. I would come home feeling miserable, like there was something terrible going on all around me that I just couldn't see. And the more we were together, the more I felt like I was something happening to him rather than someone special that he actually cared for. Considering I chose him over someone else who liked me (which sent our friends into strange division) it seemed I was more his prize than his Jules. Remember my complaining about how much dating I've been doing lately? My other ex-boyfriend called me last night, and I currently have two guys pursuing me now that they know I'm single. A year ago, if I knew I was going to be having these problems, I would have been ecstatic. I've never had this kind of romantic attention ever.
So why aren't I playing the role of Cleopatra and lavishing the onslaught? Because it's ridiculous--I feel miserable and like I'm causing misery with each heart I come across. I've never been this girl before. This is a whirlwind and I can't get my head on straight, my eyes focused, my feet back on the ground or my hands out of the way from being run over.
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