You're the cocaine in my veins

So I've been reflecting a lot on old goals and old things that used to matter so much to me and how they've kind of faded. I used to be so into finding and discovering and knowing and learning new music, books, art, film, travel, everything and, I don't know what happened, I don't know when that part of me trailed off. I've been trying to address depression and anxiety head on, and I've come to the conclusion that I hate my chosen career path. I mentioned in a few posts earlier my love of YA lit, and that still stands. What I mean is my major, this Communication with the Bachelor's of in front of it that I've been working towards. Publishing isn't even offered at my school, I've had to pave my own way. Which has helped me to network, but here I am, in my last semester, about to graduate and finally scraping in all those classes that I need in order to get the degree. And none of them are classes I enjoy, I'm just taking them to finish everything off. For the first time, I truly detest my semester. I have no fall -back joy-class, no side project to keep me distracted because there is no time for one this time around.

My husband is passionate and so in love with his path, I find myself growing green with envy when he talks about it. I want so much to shove all these classes aside and work on what I want to work on, which only leads me to the anger of Why did you ever sign up for a degree in which you can't get what you what? I know all this editing, journalism and advertising experience is good for me, but it's nothing that I want after I make the walk in April.

You know what I want? The new Animal Collective album. To write the last two novels I outlined for "future completion." To move back to Portland, or just somewhere completley new. To have an interest graphic design again.

I shouldn't complain. Things are actually going really well.

happy

I just wish whatever creative rocketship I was on three years ago would come back into my orbit. I mean, I don't even own a lomo camera. How behind am I?  

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This is the first day of my life

 

On the coldest, windiest day ever, I declared my love eternal. In the beautiful Lubbock, Texas Temple. Really, how can I describe my wedding day in a blog?  

wedding

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Dead is the New Black

Nylon windbreaker with an elastic hem, wide sleeve and half-hood? Really? Fashion, have you learned nothing from your mistakes? What grudge do you harbor against women?

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Santa, that's my only wish this year

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If you will be my ambulance

Okay, I admit it: I'm in love.

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QotD: Theme Song

What is your theme song?
Submitted by Spanglish

"Who's That Girl With the Barbie Girl Sweater On?" by Shaquille O'Neal

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Have some sympathy, and some taste

Last Wednesday I had the day off and decided to high-tail it out of the Tetons and visit Rexburg. I didn't realize just how much I missed the place, much less that I ever would miss Rexburg so much. Everywhere I went I was bumping into friends, memories, and just other Mormons. Jackson is great and all, but I just can't relate. I truly love my little Idaho town.

On the drive there, I got to thinking about my musical taste, and how it's evolved over the years. In middle school I went through a big 50's phase, cherishing Buddy Holly like no other. In high school I was all about punk/emo/whatever everyone else was listening to, but when I graduated and left for Portland I really came into my own. I got into Bowie, Zeppelin, Dylan, and finally, the Beatles via the White Album.Of course I embraced Portland's scene (Sleater-Kinney had been a favorite of mine my junior year), but it was never the first thing I reached for. Last year I was all about the 80's, (especially in China, for some reason) picking up all the New Order, Joy Division, and Talking Heads I could fit in my iPod.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that my tastes have evolved chronologically, and I think I've finally reached 2008. Or at least 2006. I've currently been obsessing over Grizzly Bear, Animal Collective, Sufjan Stevens, TV on the Radio, Patrick Wolf, M.I.A., and St. Vincent, to name a few. I think I completely bypassed the 90's because I grew up in that decade and got my fill of it simply living out each year. I have no interest for that Spin Doctors, Polaris, or Nirvana sound.

I find I tend to abuse my listening as well. I'll listen to one song, one album, over and over until it has fleshed itself out all over a time period in my life. Like a permanent stamp on a memory, and no matter how good or bad that memory is, I won't go back to that artist/era because I want to build something new in my life now. I'll probably abandon whatever I'm listening to now once my job here ends because that was the Teton playlist and now I'm in Texas, New York, Missouri, wherever. I tried to play some Zeppelin on my Rexburg drive and I couldn't even get through the first song. On went Sufjan.

Lately I've been trading through artists at a rapid-fire pace. Where I used to dedicate years to the artists I loved, now I exchange them every semester, every month. I think it's more because I can't find anything to sink my teeth into anymore. I get turned on easy, then I get bored easy. It's hard to find lyrics I can identify with, it seems all I relate to anymore is the sound, with the vocals acting as their own instrument. I was reading over those "mini-playlists" in the previous post and realized that for the Teton one, lyrically it meant nothing. And the song's that remind me of my boyfriend came from playlists and albums he gave me, intentionally with romantic themes. Some half-assed Aquabats songs also remind me of him, in a good way, just because we were in his apartment when they were playing.

Anyway. Time to go to work.

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